Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
