I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
