So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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