highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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