We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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