this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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