she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
