HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
birth control should be required to get into college
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So much rum. So many feels.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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