If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she told me i tasted like america
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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