I'm so fucking centered right now
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
