I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
