and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
