I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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