Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
