i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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