when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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