remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
