You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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