My nipple is on Facebook.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize