Sry I called you an 8
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
