is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
