The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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