I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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