he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
