He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
