I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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