my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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