I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
