so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
