She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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