You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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