I'm so fucking centered right now
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
