Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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