Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize