Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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