In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
