Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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