please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
