i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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