oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
