That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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