I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
