Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He shit in the fireplace
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
