his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
