If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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