im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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