Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
