You kept calling me your small dog last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
