i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
