I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
