Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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