Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
