you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize