He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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