pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
