you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
