also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
