I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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