Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
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You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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