I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
