I am puke
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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